Growing and Going
The older I’ve gotten, the less confident I’ve become. It is exponentially harder for me to take risks. To go on a limb, or just do it as I’ve grown up.
I finally asked why.
Well, at face value becoming an adult is all about being logical, using reason, and considering the future and your family. So naturally everything I do is now filtered through my adult brain’s “logic checklist”. That adult brain is great for general life choices like going to the grocery store today instead of tomorrow so I don’t waste money eating out. But it does me no good when I have a great creative idea but talk myself out of it because I have more important things to take care of. How can I balance this out? It’s gotten to a point where It’s less of a logical mind and just plain negative talk. I never thought I’d be the person to hold myself back.
For instance, just the other day I realized all those times I got discouraged about a project because “people” wouldn’t like it or “people” wouldn’t watch it, those “people” didn’t exist. I had made it all up. “People” was my negative self.
It hurts to see that I could be such an enemy to myself but it’s the truth and now I’m at a crossroads.
Do I keep doing what I’m doing because maybe it’ll work itself out. I meant there are worse things than being too logical. Right? Well, I’ve been down that road several times and it keeps looping back to the same place. So it’s time to change something up. Every decision I would normally make, I’ll try to do the opposite. I tend to correct my first decision with a highly filtered, logical, and over-analytical, second decision.
Have you ever taken time to do the first thing that comes to mind? And It work out better? It’s amazing. A good example that I experience every day is when I’m getting ready in the morning I always know exactly what I want to put on. But when I go to get dressed I say “Well, maybe this will be better”. I put on the supposed better choice, hate it, then put on what I initially wanted to and love it. Although before I learned about this second choice habit I used to try 3-5 more outfits only to go back to that very first thought. Why does this happen? What is this? I’d like to think it’s not me, it’s some outside thinking. Me is that first thought.
It’s time to embrace the first ideas, do the opposite, and ignore the negative thoughts.
